by Harry Doyle
Tigers' owner Mike Ilitch has decided not to fire Manager Mat McNeil after salacious photos of his pubes appeared online. Ilitch reiterated his commitment to McNeil and the Tigers despite the controversy.
"After a careful review, we've decided to keep McNeil as manager. It was a youthful mistake, we're hoping to move on."
Commissioner Bob Scanlon also commented: "From the start I've said this is no big deal."
McNeil, who lives in the Detroit suburb of Dearborn, will be flying to Lakeland, Florida next week to commence Spring Training. Curiously enough, Ashley Scanlon lives just miles from the Tigers practice facility.
"No hands on that bitch," McNeil said between slugs of King Cobra malt liquor. "I ain't down with that hoe no more, she probably leaked the photos but the pussy was dope anyway."
The Tigers will play four Spring Training contests in the run-up to the 1997 season. Gooooo Tigers!
Chronicling the 1997 Detroit Tigers Strat-O-Matic Replay Season
Wednesday, February 26, 1997
Monday, February 24, 1997
TIGER BOMB EXCLUSIVE!
MANAGER CAUGHT NAKED ONLINE
by Harry Doyle
BREAKING NEWS: The Tigers' Manager has been exposed online! Naked self-shots of the manager's hairy groin have appeared on the internet, the result of an apparent hack on the e-mail account of Ashley Scanlon!
The illicit photograghs can be seen below.
This is an unprecedented scandal and may result in McNeil being fired as Manager.
"This is disgusting, horrfic. How are we supposed to market the Tigers as family-friendly after seeing these photos?," Tigers owner Mike Ilitch asked to a packed press room. "I can't believe this kid, I just can't fucking believe it."
No word yet from Ms. Scanlon, although her father chimed in just moments ago.
"Eh, we could bat this issue around for a long time and get all hot under the collar but what's the use? I told you all before she's a slut, why is this news? Let's just focus on the sport. He's a good kid, they were fucking in my home, I knew it. So, fuck it."
1997 First-Round pick and diehard Christian Josh Hamilton also sounded off: "This kid's a sick fuck and a terrible role model for our kids. I'd never do anything like that....ever."
Well folks, it's been a tough start for Manager McNeil, see the photos and listen to the radio interview below:
-photos have been censored-
Friday, February 21, 1997
1997 A.L. EAST PREVIEW
Predicted finish: 97-65
The Yankees are the most imposing threat in the division. 1996 Rookie of the Year Derek Jeter will set the table for three perennial sluggers (Williams, Martinez, and O'Neill). Pettitte and Cone are the strongest 1-2 starter punch in the league. Mix in Rivera at closer and you can't argue with a 1st place finish.
Strengths: Two incredible starters. Strongest 3-4-5 outside Seattle and Cleveland. The X-factor.
Weaknesses: Question marks at the back of the rotation. Average defense.
Player to Watch: Andy Pettitte. Being a left-hander matched against right-handed Strat-O cards, Pettitte will likely surpass his actual season totals. Twenty wins is almost a guarantee.
Lineup:
OPS AVG OBP HR RBI SB
SS Derek Jeter .775 .291 .370 10 70 23
2B Luis Sojo .727 .307 .355 2 25 3
CF Bernie Williams .952 .328 .408 21 100 15
1B Tino Martinez .948 .296 .371 44 141 3
RF Paul O'Neill .912 .324 .399 21 117 15
3B Charlie Hayes .728 .258 .332 11 53 3
DH Wade Boggs .769 .292 .373 4 28 0
LF Chad Curtis .837 .291 .362 12 50 12
C Joe Girardi .645 .264 .311 1 50 2
Pitching:
W- L ERA WHIP BB K
1 Andy Pettitte 18- 7 2.88 1.24 65 166
2 David Wells 16-10 4.21 1.30 45 156
3 David Cone 12- 6 2.82 1.24 86 222
4 Kenny Rogers 6- 7 5.65 1.54 62 78
5 Dwight Gooden 9- 5 4.91 1.59 53 66
CL Mariano Rivera 43 SV 1.88 1.19 20 68
Predicted finish: 96-66
The Orioles are a veritable power house. Twin 390+ OBP players will bat 1 & 2 in their lineup, anchored by slugger Rafael Palmeiro. Baltimore ranked #2 in team ERA in the league and #4 in home runs hit. Mike Mussina is the unquestionable team leader and consummate ace.
Strengths: League's best rotation, even better bullpen. Excellent top half of the lineup. Strong defensive shortstop.
Weaknesses: Defense is a bit below average overall, not a particularly fast team.
Player to Watch: Mike Mussina. The Orioles will need a top-form Mussina to clinch the division. He's one of the smartest, clutchest pitchers in the game.
Lineup:
OPS AVG OBP HR RBI SB
CF Brady Anderson .863 .288 .393 18 73 18
2B Roberto Alomar .890 .333 .390 14 60 9
DH Geronimo Berroa .750 .260 .347 10 48 1
1B Rafael Palmeiro .815 .254 .329 38 110 5
3B Cal Ripken, Jr. .733 .270 .331 17 84 1
LF B.J. Surhoff .803 .284 .345 18 88 1
RF Jeffrey Hammonds .809 .264 .323 21 55 15
C Chris Hoiles .794 .259 .375 12 49 1
SS Mike Bordick .601 .236 .283 7 46 0
Pitching:
W- L ERA WHIP BB K
1 Mike Mussina 15- 8 3.20 1.12 54 218
2 Scott Erickson 16- 7 3.69 1.26 61 131
3 Jimmy Key 16-10 3.43 1.38 82 141
4 Scott Kamieniecki 10- 6 4.01 1.37 67 109
5 [Spot Starters]
CL Randy Myers 45 SV 1.51 1.16 22 56
Predicted finish: 84-78
The Red Sox have the shittiest pitching in the league. Nevertheless, the offense is so strong and the lineup so circular that you can't count 'em out. They will need to win the slugfests and provide strong run support for Wakefield and Gordon.
Strengths: The Red Sox can flat-out rake. Arguably the most complete lineup in the division. Good speed and solid defense.
Weaknesses: Lacking an ace. Unreliable closer. Bottom of the rotation is worst in division. Lineup prone to streaks.
Player to Watch: Nomar Garciaparra. He's better than his counterpart in New York and a complete player. Defensive magician.
Lineup:
OPS AVG OBP HR RBI SB
SS Nomar Garciaparra .875 .306 .342 30 98 22
2B John Valentin .871 .306 .372 18 77 7
1B Mo Vaughn .980 .315 .420 35 96 2
DH Reggie Jefferson .828 .319 .358 13 67 1
LF Wilfredo Cordero .752 .281 .320 18 72 1
RF Troy O'Leary .837 .309 .358 15 80 0
C Scott Hatteberg .788 .277 .354 10 44 0
CF Darren Bragg .723 .257 .337 9 57 10
3B Jeff Frye .785 .312 .352 3 51 19
Pitching:
W- L ERA WHIP BB K
1 Tim Wakefield 12-15 4.25 1.39 87 151
2 Tom Gordon 6-10 3.74 1.28 78 159
3 Aaron Sele 13-12 5.38 1.56 80 122
4 Jeff Suppan 7- 3 5.69 1.57 36 67
5 Steve Avery 6- 7 6.42 1.82 49 51
CL Heath Slocumb 17 SV 5.79 1.97 34 36
Predicted finish: 78-84
The Tigers have bits and pieces but are still a long a way from being a division contender. Rookie shortstop Deivi Cruz and weak-hitting Raul Casanova will drain the team's offense. Higginson and Clark will be a nice 1-2, but unless Brian Hunter steps up his offense performance and snags 100 bases, the Tigers will be put out to pasture by June.
Strengths: Pitching is solid and steady. Tigers possess the most lethal threat on the base-paths. Fair amount of home run power.
Weaknesses: Defense is abysmal. Bottom third of the lineup is laughable. New manager.
Player to Watch: Manager Mat McNeil. The scrappy young man with a criminal record and a propensity for drinking heavily and using the word "nigger" might find himself lashing out at reporters during post-game pressers and grabbing the asses of female clubbies. We're not so sure the ever-impatient McNeil is right for this club.
Lineup:
OPS AVG OBP HR RBI SB
CF Brian Hunter .687 .269 .334 4 45 74
2B Damion Easley .833 .264 .362 22 72 28
RF Bobbo Higginson .899 .299 .379 27 101 12
1B Tony Clark .876 .276 .376 32 117 1
DH Bob Hamelin .853 .270 .366 18 52 2
3B Travis Fryman .766 .274 .326 22 102 16
RF Melvin Nieves .762 .228 .311 20 64 1
C Raul Casanova .641 .243 .308 5 24 1
SS Deivi Cruz .577 .241 .263 2 40 3
Pitching:
W- L ERA WHIP BB K
1 Justin Thompson 15-11 3.02 1.14 66 151
2 Brian Moehler 11-12 4.67 1.48 61 97
3 Willie Blair 16- 8 4.17 1.33 46 90
4 Omar Olivares 5- 6 4.70 1.42 53 74
5 Scotty Sanders 3- 8 5.33 1.39 24 58
CL Todd Jones 31 SV 3.09 1.36 35 70
Predicted finish: 72-90
If it weren't for starters Roger Clemens and Pat Hentgen, the Blue Jays would be a complete joke. The offense is terribly weak, the middle of the order being particularly terrible. There are several young exciting players on this club, but it's going to take a miracle. Put hand grenades in the mouths of these nerds and hit the detonators, the Jays season is already in the books.
Strengths: Roger Clemens is the best starter in the league, statistically. Good defense, especially at shortstop. Quick, scrappy team.
Weaknesses: Offense is deader than Billy Martin behind the wheel of a Ford pickup. Offense ranked last in average, on-base, and slugging. Joe Carter is a corspe at the dish.
Player to Watch: Carlos Delgado. The young slugger is sure to make a splash this season. All offensive hopes are pinned on this young man's back.
Lineup:
OPS AVG OBP HR RBI SB
CF Otie Nixon .647 .262 .343 1 26 47
RF Orlando Merced .765 .266 .352 9 40 7
1B Carlos Delgado .878 .262 .350 30 91 0
DH Joe Carter .683 .234 .284 21 102 8
3B Ed Sprague .691 .228 .306 14 48 0
UT Shawn Green .809 .287 .340 16 53 14
SS Alex Gonzalez .689 .239 .302 12 35 15
C Benito Santiago .667 .243 .279 13 42 1
2B Carlos Garcia .562 .220 .253 3 23 11
Pitching:
W- L ERA WHIP BB K
1 Roger Clemens 21- 7 2.05 1.03 68 292
2 Pat Hentgen 15-10 3.68 1.23 71 160
3 Woody Williams 9-14 4.35 1.37 66 124
4 Robert Person 5-10 5.61 1.44 60 99
5 Juan Guzman 3- 6 4.95 1.32 31 52
CL Kelvim Escobar 14 SV 2.90 1.52 19 36
Sunday, February 2, 1997
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