BRING YOUR KID TO THE PARK!

by Harry Doyle

Bring your kid to the the ball park this season!  Ticket specials including free hot dogs & pops!  Kids run the bases after every Sunday home game!  Beers cost $8.50.

Attention Under-Priveledged Kids:

You can come to the park at a reduced rate!  Just tell your local church or minority advocate organization to call us up and we'll get you and your friends to the game!  You'll be sitting beneath the right field over-hang, right by Bobby Higginson!  NOTICE: Obstructed-view seats ONLY!  Tickets can be voided at ANY TIME.  Children must be potty trained.  No animals.  So come on out to the park and cheer on Bobb-o Higginson.  You might even catch a homer (you won't really catch a homer because you'll be beneath the right-field overhang where balls literally, physically, cannot land.  One might bounce...a ground-rule double).  

Meet Sparky Anderson!:

The legendary Tigers skipper will be here the first Sunday after opening day.  The old buzzard looks good, with a little luck he'll live another 12 years, 10 months, 1 week, 1 day, and a few hours.  Gotta love...Sparky!

Kids, Get Your Parents & Go Get  a McDonalds Value Meal & Coke, NOW!